Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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