watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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