3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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