Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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