Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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