i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
