Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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