I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
