I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
