No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize