OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
