see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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