Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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