they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
