One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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