Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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