so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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