i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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