it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
