Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's Friday. Sex?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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