I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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