took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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