well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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