Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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