he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize