Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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