he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
