TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
