Betty ford says i'm here all night
I smell stomach acid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
