My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
