some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
