i barfeds in our rink
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
