How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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