dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
