I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
