How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
