White coat. Heels.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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