It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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