Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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