shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
