i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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