As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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