so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
