the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
