But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
