I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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