Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
