we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize