Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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