Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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