She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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