ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
