Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
