Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize