Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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