dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
