her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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