I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
