At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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