Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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