I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
