Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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