When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
