i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
