we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
