i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
