I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
