So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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