no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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