DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
