I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did I show you my penis last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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