I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
