i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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