There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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