i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I did not marry a roomba.
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