my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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