Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
