I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
